Dissociation-related Support, page 2

by Trish Fotheringham

Looking for support?

General Dissociation-related Stuff
Dissociative Identity-specific Stuff
How to Help
- Top 9 How to Help Tips
Self Care Tips

Learn About Dissociation

Stuff you need to know

Disclaimer: I offer ideas, comments and suggestions. I do not offer guarantees nor make promises of any sort. I am not responsible for what you do with this information – it is up to you to use discretion and self-care in relation to what you do, or do not, accept and/or apply.

how to help

One of the biggest challenges in dealing with the effects of dissociation is knowing how to help yourself or the person with dissociative issues. This is still a relatively new and unexplored field of healing, and as such, there is little readily available information.

What I offer here are tidbits of information upon which you can build a foundation for approaching and dealing with dissociation-related issues and situations.

Top 9 How to Help Tips

These tips are useful for anyone dealing with a person experiencing intrusive dissociative symptoms. They are the points I repeat again and again, obvious to me, but welcomed as novel and valuable by other people. So I figure it must be important to share them!

1. Respect Body Space – Ask before touching or moving in close, adjust scents, sounds, etc. as much as possible. Their mind and space are already extra full, so they can be easily overwhelmed.

2. Set and Define Clear Boundaries – It helps not to have to guess where the lines are!

3. Ask About and Help Name Feelings and Perceptions – Dissociated feelings and perceptions are a swirly mess, describing and naming them can help the person gain clarity, which then aids their feeling of being capable of dealing with them.

4. LISTEN – Be caring, courteous, open-minded.

5. VALIDATE – Their feelings and experiences are real for them, regardless of what you believe or what actually occurred.

6. Help Ground in Present Reality – Encourage them to breathe and focus on their present senses. – Get them to feel their feet on the ground, their bottom on the chair, their hands, shoulders, ears then nose. Ask them, what do they smell? What sounds can be heard nearby? What are they feeling? Where is that feeling in their body? Can they describe that feeling, give it a color? Etc.

7. Find Strengths – Re-frame Out-dated Survival Skills into Skills and Abilities Useful in Present – Can and will the exact opposite of a given skill serve the person better? Can a task be reassigned to a new purpose? For example, can a part taught to keep track of certain dates or numbers in relation to the abuse instead keep track of appointments and things like meal and bed times? Or maybe a guard part can be responsible for making sure the house/apartment/etc. is locked up properly for the night and when the person leaves to go out. Etc.

8. Only Make Promises You Can Keep! – Their life has been full of lies and deceit. Be someone they can truly trust, or at least don’t add to their list of betrayers!

9. DON’T RESCUE – Help Them Find Their Own Solutions – They most likely came to believe they are incapable, useless and worthless. If you rescue them, then you reinforce their learned helplessness. Instead choose to brainstorm with them, or otherwise help them discover and use their own inner resourcefulness. Although this resourcefulness was primarily used for survival in the past it is now a strength that can be drawn upon to benefit them in the present.

self care tips

There are many approaches to healing the dissociation-related effects of trauma.

This makes it important to customize your self-care tips, because what works for one person may not work for another. We each must draw upon those methods and tools that best serve us at any given moment. Over time, we are sure to find that what works for us evolves and shifts. This is the nature of needs and healing, so it makes sense to have a wealth of ideas available from which to pick and choose.

Crisis State – What to Do?

Prepare ahead!

Make your own list of things to do when you are in an emotional state of crisis!

It’s invaluable to have a list of things to do when a dissociation-related crisis state occurs. If you wait until you are already in crisis it’s too late, as it’s nearly impossible to think of options and coping techniques when you are in a dissociated state or feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Self-care of this sort is valuable whether you have addictions, dissociated identities, or some other combination of dissociative effects.

The process of creating a list of “Things to Do When In a Crisis State” is itself of value.

It gives you a grounding tool to grab onto in times of crisis or distress. It helps you get to know yourself. It improves your self-care options, makes you feel empowered, and helps you to take charge of your own needs through self-connection, self-responsibility and self-accountability.

Whether you have full out Dissociated Identities or not, it’s important to make your own list so you can personalize it with all of the possibilities that might help you. Keep in mind that the usefulness of tools and techniques can change over time. What works one day may be different than what works another day, and what works for one alter or particular dissociative effect may be different than what works for another. So don’t dismiss an idea just because it doesn’t seem to work. Unless it actually causes you a problem, keep it on your list for possible future use.

For some examples of what might help in a crisis, check out my personal list of what I did to cope, in the Healing Methods and Suggestions section of this webpage.

To help you get started on your own list, some ideas for general categories might include:

Physical
- play activity
- healing power of water – soak in tub or go swimming
- sports activity
- explore nature
- dance
Mental
- read a book
- solve a puzzle or crossword
- investigate something that will engage your curiosity
Self-expressive or Creative
- sing
- journal – write or draw your thoughts/feelings
Venting
- crank up some intense vocalizing music and yell out your cares, concerns, fears, angers
Hope-creating
- paint a beautiful picture
- walk in nature
- spend time with animals/living creatures, friends, loved ones
- look at the nights stars
- learn about the magnificent miracles people have experienced
- watch an inspiring documentary
Reach Out – have contact list/s
- people
  - for when scared
  - for when angry
  - to play with
  - to cry safely with
  - for practical advice
  - etc.
- groups or agencies
  - for guidance
  - for support
  - for practical assistance
  - for financial assistance
  - to volunteer with
  - etc.

healing methods and suggestions

Healing the dissociative effects of trauma requires more than one method or approach. It takes an ever-changing and adapting combination of a variety of techniques, tools, attitudes and practices for each individual.

Over the course of my adult life, I myself have been the recipient of various types of therapies, counseling, etc., including:

psychological, parenting, anger management, behavior modification
guided meditation, deep relaxation therapy/hypnosis, EMDR
massage, Cranial Sacral, Acupressure, energy work, Reiki, Healing Touch

So remember, it’s crucial for survivors to be open-minded and self-responsible about seeking out the right things to incorporate in their own healing, and for practitioners to facilitate but not direct how this evolves and unfolds for their clients.

For a broad overview of the General Dissociation-related range of possibilities, below are some lists of what I have employed in my own healing.

Helpful practices I’ve used

listening to myself and the still small voice within
singing, dancing, and “air banding” to identify and express my emotions
defining my dreams and life purpose, and following them with a spiritual perspective
exploring my interests including how people and human nature work, metaphysics, quantum physics, etc.
focusing my attention and intentions on healing and wholeness
using affirmations and practicing living with conscious awareness
creating personal meditations incorporating progressive relaxation, self-hypnosis and creative visualization·
asking my higher power for guidance and support in various ways, including:
- the use of cards (angel, tarot, goddess, etc.)
- randomly opening to a page in a book or bible and taking the words my eyes fall on as the guidance
- consciously opening my mind and heart to clarity, love, understanding, hope and healing
- energy work – centering and grounding, chi balancing, chakra alignment, use of color energy, etc.
- creating metaphysical change-focused ceremonies to enhance and aid my healing and integration
- journaling to self-express through:
  - using non-dominant hand to aid access to “unconscious”
  - writing -stream of consciousness and free-flowing poetry
  - drawing -in pencil, crayon, colored pencil, ink, felt pen, nail polish and even make-up
  - noting, interpreting, and gathering guidance from my dreams and nightmares

Approaches and attitudes I’ve adopted

remembering all feelings are guides and motivators – gifts to cherish and listen to
divvying up the support I seek, being careful not to overload others or cause them second-hand trauma
being my authentic self, contributing and acting with love, and making a positive difference where I can
learning to love myself and self-care as I would like to be cared for and loved
considering problems as challenges
focusing on the Zen and Buddhist “big picture” of distancing and non-attachment
involving myself with a supportive and empowering spiritual community
trusting my instincts and intuition, and listening to my gut

Beliefs and mottos that were especially helpful for me

Love is the Answer in all things
“The Future Belongs to Those Who Believe in the Beauty of Their Dreams”
I’m a “Human Being not a Human Doing”
Go with the Flow and Trust the Process of Life
Acknowledge, Accept, Appreciate
Attitude of Gratitude
Self-Honesty
Forgiveness
“I Create my Reality with my Thoughts and Beliefs” – remembering my feelings will always win out over my thoughts unless I acknowledge them as guides and work with them on a conscious, intellectual level

Dissociative Identity-specific Tips

A number of years ago the massive Extreme Abuse Survey (EAS) with nearly 2000 people and 40 countries participating, was done to find out, among other things, what methods and approaches helped people heal from the effects of trauma and dissociation. In 2007, Wanda Karriker compiled a list of “Helpful Healing Methods” from the EAS results that includes details of how people rated their effectiveness. It starts on page 7 of the PDF of EAS Survey Results at: Karriker-Paper-2007.pdf

Please ensure a suggestion is safe for you to use before trying it!

Helpful Points Specific to Dissociative Identity Response

be creative inside as well as out
adopt stuffed animals, make use of kids’ music, toys, games, coloring books, etc.
employ inner world renovations, re-designs and updates as needed
adapt and use the skills and knowledge taught by your perpetrators to your benefit
find and utilize each alter’s skills and abilities for the benefit of your entire being
form an inner co-operative team – oldest or wisest alters lead and facilitate while others contribute in their own ways
to access structures that have security measures designed to keep you out, see if you can find and use a safe “backdoor”, window, secret staircase, or other “outside the box” entryway
to undo programs, try cautiously running them through backwards

Memory Work

calm, center, etc.
employ a focal tool – trance state, brain wave healing modality, etc. – that provides some controllable dissociation for remembering without re-traumatizing
link present issues and problems with past connections through feelings, thoughts, behaviors
follow the feeling, phrase, image or smell to the memory of the traumatic event or whatever else might have triggered it
only temporarily contain or put away feelings and other parts of memories as needed (e.g. sights, sounds, smells, etc.); it’s best to just acknowledge and deal with them so they can finally release
be sure to get details of:
- sensory info – sights, smells, physical sensations, etc.
- words used, phrases taught, etc.
- who was involved – both externally and internally
- what happened, in chronological order if possible – determine what was perceived to have happened and if what actually happened was different – (in my case I later discovered some of my abuse was filmed; those events were staged and the people only actors)
- where the event occurred – was it a real place or a staged one?
- when the event took place – get the body age as well as individual alter(s) age(s)
- what was learned and came to be believed or accepted as part of world-view because of this particular event or series of events.